WTF Irvine?

Three times today I have been complemented on how well-spoken I am, and also how refreshing it is to come to an Indian restaurant where everyone speaks English. How the fuck am I supposed to take that? You would think that with the amount of diversity in this town, you wouldn't even encounter such thinly-veiled racism.

And yes, I said "Thank you."

My Plan To Be Broke By The Middle Of June

This summer is going to be amazing. Not in terms of the "real" (Note: Orange County) world I inhabit and the events that tend to transpire in my life, but the amount of seemingly mind-blowingly entertaining movies coming out. Unlike last summer, with sequel after fucking sequel being churned out, some with high hopes (I trusted you Spiderman, I trusted you...), this time around we're being treated to plenty of original films with actual plots and great casts (4 Apatow films!). Here's a roundup of everything I plan to see this summer, and which ones I plan to actually pay to see.

P= Pay, D= Download*

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (P) - Yes, I know this comes out in like 3 weeks, but as far as I'm concerned the summer movie season starts then
The Forbidden Kingdom (D)
Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? (P)
Baby Mama (D) - Love Tina Fey, but reviews aren't so hot for this
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (P)
Iron Man (P) - Can't wait
Redbelt (D)
Speed Racer (P)
Noise (D)
Mister Lonely (D)
The Tracey Fragments (D)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (P) - Of course I'm paying, it's fucking Indy!
Sex and the City: The Movie (D) - Have to finish watching the series first
The Strangers (P)
The Foot Fist Way (P)
Stuck (P)
Kung Fu Panda (P)
You Don't Mess With The Zohan (D) - I refuse to acknowledge this as an Apatow film
Mongol (D)
The Promotion (P)
The Happening (P)
The Incredible Hulk (P)
Get Smart (P)
The Love Guru (D) - Really Mike Myers, really?
Brick Lane (D)
Religulous (D)
Wall-E (P) - Best movie of the summer, calling it right now
Wanted (P)
Hancock (D) - Sounds like butchered a great script
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (P)
Meet Dave (D)
The Dark Knight (P) - Probably my and the world's most anticipated film of the year
Mamma Mia! (P) - Yes, I love ABBA, get over it
The Longshots (D) - Fred Durst directing. Fred. Durst.
Step Brothers (P) - Will Ferrell's cooling on me, but I love me some John C. Reilly
The X-Files 2 (P) - !!!!!!!
American Teen (D)
Baghead (D)
Henry Poole Is Here (D)
Boy A (D)
He's Just Not That Into You (D)
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (P)
The Rocker (P)
Choke (P)
Swing Vote (D)
Pineapple Express (P) - God this summer rocks
Hell Ride (D)
The International (P) - I'll pay for anything with Clive Owen. ANYTHING.
Mirrors (D)
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (P)
Tropic Thunder (P) - Robert Downey Jr. Blackface. Tom Cruise in a fatsuit. I'm there.
Towelhead (D)
The Accidental Husband (D)
Bangkok Dangerous (D) - I know Nick Cage will fuck this up somehow
The House Bunny (D)
Crossing Over (D)
Hamlet 2 (P)
Babylon A.D. (D)
Vicky Cristina Barcelona (P)
Traitor (D)
Passengers (D)
Punisher: War Zone (P)
The Duchess (P)
Righteous Kill (P)

*Status subject to change depending on funds and critical response

Wednesdays With Oliver

Oliver: So do Indian people believe in the same god as Christian people?

Me: Technically, yes, but Hindus also believe in multiple gods that represent different aspects of life.

Oliver: I thought you guys believe in like Allah and stuff.

Me: No, that's Muslims. Hinduism and Islam are 2 different religions.

Oliver: But you guys are always saying "Praise Allah" and stuff.

Me: Have you ever heard anyone here say that?

Oliver: No, but like, brown people are always saying that.

Me: There's so many things wrong with..

Oliver: So have you ever seen the Taj Mahal? Is it big? Are there really a bunch of dead people in it?

Me: Do you remember why I fired you the first time? Like the main points I went over with you 4 months ago?

Oliver: You fired me? I thought you just told me not to come back.

Me: (Glare)

Oliver: So did they like build the Taj Mahal for Allah?

State Of The Brown Guy

At the moment, I am trying to take care of both of my parents, water and maintain the front and backyard gardens, keeping the house clean, figuring out how to complete my educational goals yet again, re-organizing and fixing issues in the restaurant, blogging, looking for/stealing new staff members, developing and adding content to the restaurant website, organizing a PR package, coming up with a business plan for a new restaurant, dealing with my emotional detachment and inability to express emotion in any way other than sarcasm, designing a new logo, coming up with a business plan for a lunchtime delivery service from the restaurant to surrounding businesses in the Spectrum area, spending most days and nights working at the restaurant, not sleeping, coming up with yet another business plan for an Ayurvedic supplement company, learning to play guitar, and dealing with an asshole of a cockatiel who hates me.

Seriously, he's a dick.

Smart Decisions (It's A Pun, You'll Get It If You Keep Reading)

For various reasons (the main one being the ridiculous price of gas), we will be turning in the family car aka my car soon (ML350) for a new one (C300) that would get better mileage but still be functional. This makes me sad. I may have started off hating the ML, but I grew to love it, mainly because it always proved useful to transport all the random shit we buy for the restaurant and home, and also because it allowed me to go very very fast.

Now I know I sound spoiled, I'll be the first one to say it, but I always acknowledge the fact that I've been very lucky to have driven Mercedes all my life, and I think driving those cars as well as the various large bulky vans we've had balances out. I'm past the point of being made to feel bad about driving these cars, because as my mother puts it, "We've worked our asses off for these, so fuck everyone else." A short history of "my" cars:

So yes, I've been lucky, and I still am. This car will still allow me to drive like an asshole and transport things with ease. The thing is, within a month my mom will be turning in her car, and in place of that we will be getting....

A Smart Car. Which will become my car. We've been on the waiting list for 4 months, and it can take up to a year or so to get one. Now, these things are cool, we checked one out a week ago and it's pretty sweet inside. It's got everything you would find in a luxury vehicle (navigation, iPod support, Bluetooth, CD changer, leather seats) and is quite spacious. I'm very excited, but I'm also very worried, for 2 reasons. One is that it has an automatic manual transmission, which means that it will automatically change gears, but it requires a little footwork (press and release) to do so smoothly. This is seriously going to affect my ability to drive fast/like an asshole.

The other concern is that an SUV will hit me and I will be crushed to death like a Snicker's bar in a fat kid's pocket. Still, very excited.

So I've Taken Up Smoking...

I started smoking 3 days ago in an effort to get my dad to stop. He's been promising to stop for about 6 years and we've tried every method to break the habit (except hypnotism, that's just fucking stupid). His health is at a point now where if he doesn't stop, there will be serious repercussions. I understand that it's a stress reliever as much as it's a bad habit, so we try to get him to explore other relaxation options (he's really enjoying feeding the koi at Fashion Island, so that's a positive). His memory hasn't been so great lately, so hopefully he remembers that I have crippling asthma and will make a serious effort to stop smoking himself.

I've also noticed the treatment I now receive as a smoker (albeit 3 days old). I haven't really mastered the art of covering the smell of cigarrettes yet, and in the restaurant people have been acting a little distanced towards me, especially the regulars. I did, however, make new friends with people in the center who hang out in the back to smoke. It's like immediate acceptance whenever you ask for or offer a light, no matter how many people you've killed. They do think I'm kind of an asshole now after they asked for the reason I took up smoking, which apparently offended some of them. So I've managed to get myself shunned from both smokers and non-smokers, which just proves again how good I am at alienation (like REALLY good). Everyone has pointed out that I'm probably going to get addicted myself, but that won't happen to me, I know that.

On another note, Marlboro really is flavor country...