My Problem with Indian People (Part 3 of a 500-part series)

9:05pm: Phone call

Me: We close at 10 and our kitchen closes at 9:45,

Desi: If we come at 9:30 could you give us a few extra minutes until 10:10 maybe?

Me: Sure, not a problem sir, we'll see you shortly.

9:40pm: 2 out of the 6 people have arrived

9:52pm: All 6 people have arrived

Me: What would you like to drink?

Desi: Can we get two waters, three hot waters, and one chilled water?

Me: And for dinner?

Desi: Please don't rush. We only just now arrived.

Me: Yes, but I did explain that the kitchen closes at 9:45 and out staff is waiting for your order before leaving.

Desi: Just 5 minutes.

10:05: They order 3 dishes and 6 naans...

10:15: Food goes out.

10:45: They finish eating.

10:48: Hand them the check.

11:05: They decide to pay. With 6 cards.

11:20: They leave. $1.00 tip on each charge.*

11:22: I lock the door, turn off the lights, and die a little inside. Then I gorge on In-N-Out. It blocks the pain.

*I'll get to tipping next time.

Wednesdays With Oliver

Oliver: Dude, I was like clearing that table, and I knocked over the beer bottle, and the guy was like "Don't worry, we drank it all" and I was like "Can I get you another?" and he was like "Yeah, why not." It was so money!

Me: Just be careful next time.

Oliver: We were all laughing, it was so money!

Me: Stop saying money.

Oliver: Why? It was money.

Me: What does that even mean?

Oliver: It's like, money man.

Me: You're fired.

Oliver: For reals dude?

Me: I wish.

Oliver: Haha, good one!

Me: (glare)

NEW CAR!

So I finally got my first car last Sunday, and it's amazing.

I feel legitimately happy for the first time in a long while.