Saturday, February 21, 2009

Restaurant Somewhat Confidential: Bitch Said What?

A few of the weirdest/saddest/grossest/(insert superlative adjective) things I've overheard and written down over the past few years:

"It's called shrimping, and it's amazing."

"It's not that I don't love you. I just don't love anyone."

"Why the fuck did you order this if you know I'm allergic to mango? Do you even know that?"

"...and I thought that yeah, I totally would have stabbed the guy too if I was there."

"Wow, there are actually black people here."

"It was my first threesome, but I think next time I want two guys because with another girl it..."

"...but I was like 'Fuck you, I never fucking cheated on you, but I will now you piece...'"

"Is that Hank Azaria on that table or just a really ugly guy?"

"What the fuck did you just say to me?... Just kidding!"

"If I ask for a hamburger do you think they'll be offended?"

"I've only gone down on him once, it just doesn't work for me."

"I just got promoted and I think it's because I slept with my boss. I'm not sure, what do you think?"

"Do Indians eat dogs, or is that a Chinese thing?"

"You hear about this Obama character? Some black senator or something from Chicago, thinks he can be president just cause he speaks like a white guy." - After the DNC in 2004